More tranny stories later!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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