My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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