anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
