Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
