omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
