You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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