I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
