We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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