1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
