So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
