My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
