Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's shark week go big or go home
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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