dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
