All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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