You're completely useless in the revolution.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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