I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
