I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
