yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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