i think i have two assholes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
