The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
