Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
