my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She bit a glass in half.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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