he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
pray to the hookup gods
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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