Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
