My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
