Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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