so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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