You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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