I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
