3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
