Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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