I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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