He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
