We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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