The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
