hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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