I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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