Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Success! We fucked roommates!
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