he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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