I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
