I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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