The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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