She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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