im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
