i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
