dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
