Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
