It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
