well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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