I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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