I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
