i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
