It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
so much tequila, so little girl.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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