everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
