I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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