I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
