I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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