cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
