Got a toothbrush?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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