Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
