we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
