HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I enjoy the company of your penis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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