She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
